Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
