god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
