This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
