once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
