My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Randomize
