Your face is a jimmy john
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
