so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
