i think my tv is drunk
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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