And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.