Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
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i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
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My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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