my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
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When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night