I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
