Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
