I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
