it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
