i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize