we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
