Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
