He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
