I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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