Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
