Tell her she can't have a vagina
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
