hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
