Its about making memories worth repressing
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
