Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
