oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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