Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
