The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
