We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
