i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
no you cant smoke seaweed
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
