So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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