Just cropdusted the office
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
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I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
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If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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