i'm signing you up for texting rehab
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
