remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm sobbing to NWA
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
