They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
