My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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