I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
