He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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