How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
