You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
