Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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