You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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