so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
