just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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