I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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