I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize