We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
