Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
