Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
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Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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