Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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