He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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