hotel room ftw
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
