Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
