too bad you live with your parents still
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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