Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
