I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Two words: nipple clamps
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