Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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