talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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