i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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