yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
