Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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