oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
These tits shall not be calmed
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
