grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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