my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
