He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
