who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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