y did u give ur computer a hand job?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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