I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
