i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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